Apr 1, 2010

100% MONEY BACK GUARANTEE

With every Easter egg or hot cross bun purchased, you may not know it, but we receive this unlimited offer, albeit for a limited time.

It's free, it's for real; here's the deal:

With every purchase, considered purchase or other activity somehow related to Easter, He provides:

i) Life to the fullest
ii) Freedom from past wrongs of your own and others
iii) Personal communiqu├ęs from the Creator of the universe

iv) Help with your studies (limited warranty on this item)
v) Healing in the mental/emotional, spiritual and physical realms
vi) Down-payment (includes various other items): the Holy Spirit
vii) Life after deceasement, with the triune God
(provider: God. Addr: 1 Heavenly Place. He answers all cellphone calls, bedroom-phone calls, soccer-field-phone calls, education-institute-phone calls and ordinary prayers.)

Too good to be true or just truly good? It's a free gift, the only cost is your life (which will be given back to you in a vastly upgraded form; a trade-in worth considering IMHO.)

If I haven't been blunt enough already on this blog (maybe you doubt I'm as hardcore as some Christians you've heard of), here's the gist: accept the proclamations of the witnesses to His glory and accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour and you shall receive all 7 provisions outlined above, over a short period of time. I've already got the first six and you can call me crazy but I'm expecting the seventh in God's good timing.

All of the money you've directly spent on reading this blogpost shall be returned to you if you are unsatisfied.


This is not an April Fools' Day joke.

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